My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
