Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
