miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize