I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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