Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
