I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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