I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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