If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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