she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
