Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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