It's like God shit irony all over that family
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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