I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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