What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
