i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
