THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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