I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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