you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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