I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
