Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
