Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
