You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
