you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
being pregnant is like rehab
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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