lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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