she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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