I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
