Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
ttyl tear gas
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
