Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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