And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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