I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize