i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
