Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize