seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
