Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
