Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
