my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
