I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
