Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
