if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
