I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
