First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
