btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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