and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
