she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
