I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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