Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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