didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sponge bath it is.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
