I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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