I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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