this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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