If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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