ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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