when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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