why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Drake has all the answers
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
