Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize