There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
