But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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