I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
how does that bad decision feel?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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