if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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