Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize