this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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