the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
