how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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