just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
