i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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