Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
