In the future we'll all be gay
I looked at my own cervix.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
