I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize