So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
