How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
