White coat. Heels.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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