haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
