He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
