just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
