the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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