I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
