We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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