Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
