It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
