I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
