I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
