Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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