Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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