Buhtt sex?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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