Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize