I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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