I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
