he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
