we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
