i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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