Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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