Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
