are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
