What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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