ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
