He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
