I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize