I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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