I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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