dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
