and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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