like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
