halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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