I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
